Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
