She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So much rum. So many feels.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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