I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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