She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
