Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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