HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
