Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
