I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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