Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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