i permit you to call me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
