I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
