I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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