My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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