A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize