It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
