im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
