I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
