I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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