hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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