Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
