i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
