Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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