I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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