Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
