I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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