If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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