Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
