sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
