I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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