Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
