I need to stop coming to work sober
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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