my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
