I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
