You smell like stripper and shame
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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