I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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