Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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