Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
