I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
