My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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