I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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