You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
