Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
