he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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