tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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