wakey wakey hands off snakey
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize