Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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