He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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