no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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