I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
