Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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