So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
