I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
