dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
