Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
