I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize