So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
