would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize