Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
a search helicopter?!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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