He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize