Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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