I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I love you.
Bad choice
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
