I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
