you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
