My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
