Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
