Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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