I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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